In the future we'll all be gay
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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