so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
