Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just found a bag of teeth...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
