Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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