Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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