she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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