How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
