you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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