I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
