i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
