Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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