I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
