you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
