Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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