yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
