we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
