Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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