i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
