the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
