is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
