and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
As shirtless as possible
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
