He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
