I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My boob is missing a layer of skin
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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