so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
