Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
