I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
