Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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