Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
