just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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