i permit you to call me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
