Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
