That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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