when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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