Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
