I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My penis needs a shock collar
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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