that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
