also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
