I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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