he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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