This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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