I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize