I wannas sexs uuuuu
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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