I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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