and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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