haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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