I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
