Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
