Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
