dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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