I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
