my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
